Final Thoughts - Again

[TheBo]

LOL @ MTR. I was amused by your sign-in name...it sounds like some kind of sale at Shoe Palace. "Jang Shoes! Buy One Get One!"

[MTR]

No Bo Jango Bogo was the hero of Emperor Of The Sea , Still i could have gone Jango Unchained or one of the 50 odd Django Spaghetti Western titles .....never thought of shoes though !! hmm a deeper shade of sole .

[kyrimes]

I think I just want to post about some things that I realized after re-watching the series - especially about the romance part of this series.

I think that Deokman was really indecisive when it comes to what she wanted to do with Yushin. There was a part of me who couldn't help but think of Deokman as someone who got swayed easily after realizing that there is a man who has feelings for her. She didn't want Yushin to become her servant, she pushed him away in order for him not to become someone she will use as her pawn and end up being her servant but Yushin decided that he will serve her despite her disagreeing with it, so we cannot really blame her for still holding on some feelings for him later on because that is not what she wanted Yushin to do, but since Yushin made that decision she had no choice but to let go of that feeling. But I think there was a part of her who's still hoping that Yushin will still think and treat her as a woman however he always, always reminded her of the path that she chose and her role.

With Bidam...he was the one who did what Deokman was hoping for Yushin to do - to treat her as a woman, to show her affection not because she is a princess.

There is a parallel with the way she asked Yushin and Bidam. With Yushin, she asked him not to follow her and go on his way however, he decided to serve her. With Bidam, she asked him to treat her a princess but he didn't care about that so he ended up treating her the same way as before which she actually like.

That's why when Bidam decided to serve her and kneel in front of her, she didn't looked happy, she looked disappointed that he decided to serve her  as a princess however, Bidam still treated her the same way later on and so she was able to be comfortable around him, with him, she found a friend that she can act normal with.

After Bidam left and returned as a Hwarang, everyone in the room have the same reaction "What is he doing here? who does he think he is? where is Munno" their reactions are all related about the hwarang stuff, except Deokman. She was beaming when she saw him and the first thing she asked? "where have you been?" as if she completely forgot that they are in the middle of a meeting just because her friend is back. However, Bidam has changed - he started to act more like a man and a servant.
Then Bidam started to fall for her without him realizing about it and unconsciously showered her affection which definitely will make someone like Deokman's heart throb. When he said that he wished she can see herself through his eyes, I think Deokman started to be aware of Bidam as a man at that time, that's why when he touched her hand she felt awkward about it until she realized that this is still the same Bidam that she know and so on.

I think there is a part of Deokman who actually think that Bidam may have a crush on her (she isn't that naive in these kind of things) and enjoyed every bits of it, like a teenager enjoying the idea of someone having a crush on her.
But after she became a Queen, Deokman has change and so is Bidam. She became untouchable and he became careful with how he act around her. So the Bidam who's showering Deokman with affection has gone and so she only had to act as nothing but a queen...until she found out that Bidam is still in love with her. I think that when it comes to Bidam, QSD started to be like Mishil, she wanted to keep him but at the same time she wanted to use him - as painful as it may seem but yes, QSD also played and used Bidam's feelings for her. Just like what Mishil did to Seolwon where she kept him with her but used him at the same time.

That's why that "Oh, Bidam, how I long for your touch" actually make sense.
Because Deokman enjoyed those times that Bidam showered herwith  affections, so it's normal that she miss those times especially during times that she's so stress about everything that's going on, she has no friends or anyone who will comfort her the way that the messy and hwarang Bidam did.
When she confessed to Bidam about how she wanted him to treat her that way again, it was true but at the same time...she only said those things to him because she wanted to use him - like I said, she used his feelings for her. That's why when Bidam hugged her, she didn't look happy, she looked guilty and unsure of what she's doing.

I think that she loves Bidam but she is not in love with him because her mind is full of nothing but the thought of her country. It is just like what she said to Yushin, she wasn't sure whether she accepted his proposal because she like him or just because she wanted to control the nobles under him - in truth it was both, she like him but at the same time she wanted to use him. That's why the only real feelings that she is sure of, is that she wanted to abdicate and spent her remaining days with Bidam - because as long as she is the Queen and as long as Bidam is that powerful, she will never be able to love him completely because there will always be part of her who will doubt her and want to use him.
And she is no longer in love with Yushin either, I think she moved on from that long time ago. She was no longer that affected after Yushin told her that "no man will ever send the woman he loves to that dangerous place" he just confessed right then and there but she wasn't as affected unlike when he confessed for the first time.

All in all I enjoyed this series although I couldn't bear to re-watch those episodes after Mishil died...because things started to get too dark and too annoying after that. I still re-watch some scenes from time to time but never that last 12 episodes