who needs a good smack?

[ajk]

We're seven weeks in now. Chicago didn't get the first three weeks; can't find them online, or even find subtitle files to read. But even without that, it's pretty clear as far as who needs a good smack and who doesn't. So here's the current smack status.


grandmother: Stop picking on the adopted granddaughter! She's a good kid. Stop being such a buzzkill, and stop being vain and self-absorbed. Your four-year-old great-granddaughter shows more maturity than you do, and you couldn't care less. You do help out at the bakery, which deserves some credit...but not enough. Smack.

father: He's okay. Wife died, supported his daughters, puts up with his mom. Looks like he works hard, seems like a decent guy. Pass.

oldest daughter: Look, I like you and you're funny and lively and all that. But those outbursts, good grief. You want to be married, better calm down. And now you're supposed to be helping your boyfriend with his screenplay and nothing's getting done. Shape up! Smack.

middle daughter: Haven't seen so much of her yet; probably more later. Seems nice; raising a good little girl. Pass.

great-granddaughter: Possibly the most sensible person in the whole show. Pass with honors.

Seyoung: The doe-eyed woe-is-me stuff gets a little annoying...but she's shown some spine other times and she's put up with a lot in her life. Have to root for her. Pass.

Donguk: Thought he might be a total tool, but no, he's okay. Good guy. Pass plus.

Yerin's mom: What are you so cranky about? You have a successful TV executive job and your daughter hosts a show (yeah, no nepotism there). Sheesh. And why so rotten to Seyoung? And your daughter is turning into a little monster. And shame on your being so preoccupied with finding your bio-daughter while Yerin is in the hospital. And telling Jeonghyo that My daughter is out of your league now so no you can't visit her in the hospital? Triple smack...but we'll subtract one because you took in the sick porn star before the surgery. That was generous.

Yerin: Need a spreadsheet to figure the proper smack total. Getting worse and worse. Even poisoning your own family just to sabotage a TV segment? I get it, you're adopted and insecure...but grow up already. This is a malevolent Amanda Bynes in the making. The day is coming when even Jeonghyo spurns you and maybe on that happy day you'll start coming to your senses. But we can't wait that long. You did give half your liver to your porn-star bio-mom...so okay, we'll cut the final total by half. For now just start smacking.

Yerin's brother: Not sure what his deal is. So far a bit player only...but nothing wrong with him. Pass.

Yerin's sister-in-law: The way she can whine, obvious smack? Not at all. She does a lot of housework and puts up with some unpleasant stuff. And suspecting Yerin of trying to make her sick, the #1 jaw-dropping insight of the series. Where did that come from? Pass.

Porn-star bio-mom: The cranky woman takes you into her home and you turn into a real pain in the butt. Smack.

Jeonghyo: Look, I get it, you and Yerin are orphanage buddies, and you like her, and you're looking past all of her crap. But this lovesick-puppy stuff and letting her push you around like some sort of underling, come on, you want her respect or not? Stop being a doormat. You're the most sympathetic character in the whole series and I like you...but sorry, dude, this is for your own good. Smack.

Jaeseong: Didn't like that burst of attitude with Donguk. And you throw your back out carrying two small sacks of flour? Good grief go to the gym already. But he's okay; seems to have a conscience and puts up with a lot of crap at home and at work. Pass.

Jaeseong's grandfather: What the $%#& is wrong with you? Ordering everybody around and yelling and treating your daughter-in-law and your granddaughter like servants? I don't care how traditional you want the family to be--it's not 1527 any more. Check your sundial.  What, you think it's your right to act like that because you got pushed around by your grandpa when you were young, and woolly mammoths roamed the tundra? Is that it? Well bite me. Stupid geezer. Smacks nothing, this guy needs a serious beating.

Jaeseong's father: And you, you wussy boy...You run your company and have no problem with women helping make you wealthy, but you come home and let your dad push your own wife and daughter around? Grow a pair! At least his age is an excuse. What's yours--brain damage? And bringing home your business stooges to sit around and yak while your wife and daughter have to serve snacks and perform songs to entertain them? Put on a CD and get your own damn potato chips! Loser. Hypocrite. Shame on you. Quintuple smack.

Jaeseong's mother: I don't like those occasional catty remarks...but who can blame her for venting, with the situation she's in. I hope wussy-boy husband is worth all this. Pass.

Jaeseong's uncle: I'm pulling for you. Get your screenplay done and marry the oldest daughter. But what on earth are you wearing? Who wears clam-diggers to work? And the Miami Vice jackets? The most ridiculous wardrobe I've ever seen on a human male. Smack.

Jaeseong's sister: All whiny and I-want-to-marry-a-rich-guy-and-live-off-his money. An obvious smack? Noooo, not at all. Poor kid, that head-family stuff and being so disrespected, totally understandable. Pass, and let's take up a collection to get the poor kid some counseling.


So that's 9 smacks out of 19. We'll see how that tracks after some more weeks have passed. And the first Mrs. Guk Player of the Month Award, clearly goes to Jihyeon, the great-granddaughter. You're a little kid with a big pile of idiocy around. Good luck, kid.

[ajk]

Okay, time for a smack update!

grandmother: Bad enough you're a such a self-absorbed whiner, but now you're getting totally played by Porn Star Bio-Mom. What's that saying...There's no fool like an old fool? Exhibit A. This time it's a double smack, and you better shape up, lady, or we'll keep increasing it.

father: How can anybody not be impressed with how much the guy cares about his work and his reputation. Getting down on his knees like that in front of Mrs. Kim.... And you took in Donguk to help him out--I didn't know that before. Bump up to pass plus.

oldest daughter: You're married. Congrats? You got the monkey off your back...but now you've got a doofus in your bed. Good luck with THAT one. No smack this time; the last one worked. Pass.

middle daughter: For a science teacher you don't think too clearly sometimes. But your daughter is a good kid. Pass.

great-granddaughter: Still the core of sensibility in the whole show.  And even delivered a punchline--and it worked. Pass with honors.

Seyoung: Come on kid, snap out of it. You know how lousy Monster Girl has been to you sometimes; can't you put the pieces together about the other times? You want to work in TV news, you have to be smarter than that...oh wait a minute, what am I saying, silly me. Whatever...everybody's still rooting for you. Pass.

Donguk: Did not know you're just out of juvie prison. Doing a great job to get your life back on track. Pass plus.

Yerin's mom: I still have problems with you, lady--your attitude and your refusal to see your daughter for what she is. But you paid for the liver transplant, which was generous. And you went to baker dad to apologize and own up to the bad bread when you didn't have to do it. And made Yerin apologize! Oh that was sweet...but more importantly it was the right thing to do. So this time, and maybe this time only, pass.

Yerin: Continue smacking; we'll announce when to stop. Not anytime soon.

Yerin's brother: Did you really have to get drunk and make a big embarassing fool of yourself just to tell your mother what she needed to hear? You know what, maybe you did; maybe she scares you. You should have stuck up for your wife a long time ago...but you did finally speak up. Fingers crossed for the better. Pass.

Yerin's sister-in-law: Why do I keep thinking this woman is an undiscovered genius of some sort? Maybe later on. For now, has put up with an awful lot, and the cold mom-in-law to boot, and now the false pregnancy, poor kid. Pass plus.

Porn-Star Bio-Mom: You would actually marry the baker dad just to hamper Seyeong's life for Yerin's benefit? Is your life that empty? You've got a fresh start now--take advantage of it! You like the bakery? Go someplace and start your own! A porn-star bakery...Pastries With Pasties...Check Out Our Buns...it could work. But noooo. Sheesh. Smack.

Jeonghyo: Yippee! Told Yerin you wanted nothing more to do with her. Good for you. The smack worked. You still know a lot of stuff that needs to come out; what if you have to spill it? Tread carefully. Pass plus.

Jaeseong: Dude, I hate to do this...but you've totally dropped the ball--twice!  This whole head-family thing you're stuck in, by now you should have come up with something much better than throwing hissy fits about it. I'm betting Grandpa Sundial still has enough sense that you could talk him into the present century, or at least the previous one. Why not try that? And then dumping all of that spend-our-lives-together stuff on Seyeong when she's totally wrapped up in a job crisis that could derail her entire career dream? What were you thinking? Double smack.

Grandpa Sundial: Okay, we'll back off the serious beating...mainly because you've shown a bit of appreciation for everything your daughter-in-law does. But not nearly enough. And using your birthday party to announce your grandson's marriage, which he doesn't want, to a woman he doesn't even love...good grief. That box you sit in front of all day, with the words and pictures coming out of it? Uhh, it's showing you today's world and you'd better get your head out of your butt and realize it. Quintuple smack.

Jaeseong's father: Guess what, wussy boy, that serious beating grandpa avoids this time, it's yours. You say you don't want your wife to have a job because she's yours and you don't want to share her with anybody? What kind of selfish sick crap is that? And you're still a loser and a hypocrite. Let the beating commence!

Jaeseong's mother: Arguably you deserve a smack for letting your brother turn into such a weenie. But he's a big boy now. And you're still stuck with no job and the fourteen memorial services. Pass.

Jaeseong's uncle: You idiot. Finally got yourself a wife, and she's a great match for you. And okay, you have a fight and blow the honeymoon money on drinks for the guys. But who on earth takes the guys someplace that charges $3,800 to get hammered? $3,800??? There weren't that many of you--were they charging fifty bucks a drink?  Wow. Triple smack.

Jaeseong's sister: Yeah, there's a powerful wind blowing for multiple smacks...but I'm still sticking with therapy instead. Still young enough to be helped. The boob job worked (Or am I wrong about that) and the therapy can work too. And she still helps with all of that cooking, so no smack. Pass.

So that's 7 smacks out of 19, down from 9. And the great-granddaughter retains the Mrs. Guk Award, if only because nobody else has risen to challenge her. The writers' room may need a collective smack as well, if this whole thing doesn't get back on track soon and away from the conventional clichés.

[ajk]

Hasn't been very long since the last smack update, but we're exactly halfway through the series so it's a good time for one. Plus, there have been stunning reversals.


grandmother: Been awfully quiet lately. Thank you for that. And the only real noise you've made was dragging Seongsu back home and actually trying to talk sense into that whole situation. And did it pretty well. Amazing. And you even had the humility to think about it afterwards and consider whether or not you handled it properly. Even more amazing. And that line about him avoiding talking to his wife--"That's not why King Sejong invented Korean!"--hey, that was darned good. Were you there when he invented it? Sorry, couldn't resist....I don't think you've changed and you still need smacking, but fair is fair, you earned it this time: pass.

baker dad: Dude, you are NOT smooth with the ladies, are you. Oh well, can't help you with that. And you shouldn't be getting bothered by Seyeong looking for her birth parents, certainly not to the point where you lose focus at work and burn your hand. But you're good people. And bringing Juhui those sandwiches, nice gesture. Pass.

oldest daughter: Good heavens, look who's become the voice of reason here. Un-freaking-believable. You sat down and told Seyeong exactly what she needed to hear, and you had diagnosed the whole situation perfectly. Same with Jaeseong. And you're dealing remarkably well with the realization that you've married an idiot. Maybe it was simply getting that old-maid monkey off your back...but whatever it was, great work lately. Pass with honors.

middle daughter: Can't you keep your composure and talk to Donguk like a calm adult? Sheesh, no wonder you married such a loser. And sitting there self-absorbed in the park while your daughter wanders off and gets lost? I know your life is weird right now, but you gotta do better. Smack.

granddaughter: Aw, come on, kid--you could have coasted home with the Mrs. Guk MVP award. It was yours for the taking. But no, you had to go run off looking for ice cream and get lost in the park.  And now the loser ex-husband is making noise about it. You're in second grade--should know better. I'm not supposed to smack a kid, am I...okay, then go sit in the corner until I tell you to come out.

Seyeong: This one went right down to the wire. You're doing a good job at work. And this bio-mom-search stuff at the same time, obviously it's tough on you and who can't sympathize with that. But why start the search now, when you need to be focused on your job? It's your dream, remember? Yerin continued to be mean to you...but you've been standoffish to Jaeseong--until you called him and expected him to come running. One up, one down. So it could have gone either way...and then in the very last fifteen seconds, you walked into bio-mom's office and gave her a mouthful of attitude. Really? Shouldn't you have heard her side of things first? Jaeseong Schmaeseong, I'd marry you in a minute so I don't wanna do this...but you blew it at the finish line. Smack.

Donguk: Very close to your first smack, pal. You keep telling Gieum to leave you alone--so why keep going to see her? And you're not communicating with middle daughter like you need to if you want to get anywhere. But obviously you're just confused about women, and if I smacked every poor slob who was confused about women my arm would fall off. And giving Gieum that dose of straight talk, wow look at the impact it had on her, at least so far. Pass.

Yerin's mom/Seyeong's bio-mom: Hey, aren't we making some psychological breakthroughs. Very healthy, painful as it is. You get two strikes: one for not being reassuring enough to Yerin, and the other for not signing that autograph for that polite person in Cheonan. Seems like you should be nicer to your son, too...but this whole lost-daughter thing is brutal on everybody so I won't judge too harshly (for now; you need to sit everybody down and talk it through calmly though). Pass.

Yerin: You finally cracked! And confessed to Seyeong, mostly.  Is this a turning point? Can I stop calling you Monster Girl? I don't think you're evil by nature, and it's understandable how the whole situation has you terrified, so maybe you're still salvageable. Plus you're being nicer to your sister-in-law, which is way overdue but at least you're doing it. Not letting you off--you still were mean to Seyeong; you slapped Jeonghyo after he told you he loved you; and stop eavesdropping on everybody! Quadruple smack...but I'll suspend two of them and let's see what you do from here.

Yerin's brother: Finding the lost daughter, I know it's going to hit you real hard, especially since you feel so responsible (unfairly) and it's probably hindered you in your life ever since...but you need to be calm. You can do some serious damage here. I don't know where you went when you left in a huff at the end of #60, but you'd better not do anything rash. For now, pass.

Yerin's sister-in-law: More and more convinced she's a genius and nobody knows it. Probably not even her. Continues to see right through situations; unreal. More relevantly, does all of that cooking and puts up with the tension in her husband's family. Obviously a good heart. Pass plus.

Porn-Star Bio-Mom: You've been mostly quiet too, thank you...but now why go to Yerin's mom and have the hissy-fit? No need for that. Way past time for you to drop the bitterness. You could have a nice life for yourself with all of these people around you, but you keep messing with them and being a shrew. Change your ways! Smack.

Jeonghyo: Another tough call. You shouldn't have gone to Cheonan with Seyeong. And then you told Yerin what you did? Bad choices. But is a terrible mess you're stuck in the middle of and I can't really fault you for not handling it perfectly. And you told Yerin you loved her--that took guts, in the middle of all this. Pass.

Jaeseong: Been awfully patient with Seyeong, the way she's been treating you. Maybe a little too patient; tough to say. Pass.

Grandpa Sundial: Another one who's been real quiet, thankfully. You've been sick? Sorry to hear that. Did you make yourself sick because you were frustrated at Jaeseong not doing what you wanted him to do? Then nobody to blame but yourself. And he feels guilt about it--unfairly. And now chewing out your son and DIL because everything isn't going right? Ever hear of The Buck Stops Here? You think I won't smack a sick old guy? Guess again, pal, I got your medicine right here. Double smack.

Jaeseong's father: What the...Did the pod people come and switch you for a replica? You're stepping up and trying to get your daughter in line--even to the point of going to the beauty parlor with her? And now you're trying to turn Seongsu into a grown-up? Amazing. Who'd have thought you had it in you. Unfortunately you're still doting on your daughter like a princess, which won't help matters...but how can I nitpick an effort like this one. Pass plus.

Jaeseong's mother: Faking your foot being so hurt to get out of housework? I like you and you have some good advice, sometimes. But no excuse for that. Smack.

Seongsu (Jaeseong's uncle): And look who's at the bottom of the barrel now. The marriage certificate, not exactly a surprise, is it, and NOW you wuss out on it? What happened to you? You've turned into such a pathetic whiner. You used to at least speak up for yourself, but that seems like ancient history. I'd give you a beating but let's hear it for your BIL, he took you to the boxing ring and did that very thing for me. And good heavens, still with the Miami Vice wardrobe. Stop wearing so much pink and maybe you won't act like such a little girl! Quintuple smack.

Gieun (Jaeseong's sister): Therapy, I said, not smacks. I guess I should get smacked for that. Should have spotted trouble when you threw that money in Donguk's face, darn it. But now we know better. You're manipulative and spoiled. Going to the middle daughter's job and trash-talking her, totally disrespectful--and that stuff about how your money can buy this or do that for Donguk--why you bratty little princess. Look, you're pretty, and I'm guessing smarter than we're seeing, and you have a nice boob job (or am I wrong about that), and your family is rich--so why aren't guys lined up at your front door? Obviously the word is out that you're not worth the hassle. Now to be fair, looks like you're trying to get yourself on a better path, so good for you on that. But we'll see how long you last. And it's too late for now. Double smack.


9 smacks out of 19. And race for the Mrs. Guk MVP Award has been thrown wide open. A few leading contenders but it looks like a close competition right to the end.

[Knov1]

The only ones I don't think deserve to be smacked are Seyeong and her dad. Everyone else should be smacked. You're being far too kind to Yerin and Seyeong's biological mom.

[ajk]

Yerin's been smacked more than anybody else except possibly Grandpa Sundial, and a quadruple smack for just ten episodes is a lot. But she started fessing up to Seyeong, and if people do good things they have to be rewarded, fair is fair. If it's a meaningless confession, don't worry she'll get the two smacks I suspended, and plenty more.

The mom, she's a real interesting character and definitely has a decent, honorable core. I double-smacked her the first time but in these last ten episodes she's starting to face up to her past and her shortcomings and that's what she needs. So I have to just stand back and let that happen and see what the result is. How she handles things going forward is the #1 key to what happens the rest of the series. So she could be facing huge smacks, we'll see.

If it makes you feel better, out of just three smack evaluations so far, 15 of 19 characters have been smacked at least once, and four all three times.

What I REALLY want to do is smack a network executive. Am so hoping one of those guys becomes more involved and makes trouble.

[Knov1]

Maybe I'm being harsh towards the bio mom. I don't think Yerin is being sincere though.

[ajk]

You may be right...but I'm not sure it will be as big an issue any more either way. This business about her doing the weekend news, it sounds like a separate thing from anything Seyeong would be doing so it may be that they're pulling the character away from Seyeong's life somewhat.

[ajk]

Time for another smack update. And I’m not in a charitable mood.

grandmother: All of those jabs you kept taking at Seyeong all those years. Then she talks about leaving and you put on the whole melodramatic show about how you’ll miss her and she can’t leave you. Then Mrs. Kim dangles some cash in front of you and you can’t get Seyeong out the door fast enough. And now you’re moping again because she's gone. And you couldn’t even be nice to Yeonga? The nicest person in this whole thing? All you do is make things worse, always. At least Grandpa Sundial is trying to live by his beliefs, as outdated as they are. You, you’re just totally self-absorbed. I’m sick of it. Serious beating.

baker dad: You should NOT have let your business get into a situation this precarious. Shame on you. But you’ve been a rock dealing with all of this family stuff, so that gets big credit. Pass—but shore up your bakery.

Ilyeong, oldest daughter: You’re trying to help everybody through the messes as best you can and I can't fault you for it. I’ll even excuse your little pouty episode; it’s understandable. And hey, you got your wussy hubby to man up and sign the marriage certificate. Pass.

Iyeong, middle daughter: You’ve been on Seyeong’s side through all this and have given her some real good advice lately. But that temper tantrum you had about her getting the parental love, good grief that was embarrassing. And stop being so mean to Donguk. Even if you don’t want to be with him, you could at least be civil about it. Smack.

granddaughter: Hang in there kid. Little children shouldn’t have to be exposed to the silliness you’re seeing. I hope when baker dad gets his bakery finances in order he can start setting aside a few bucks for the therapy you’re going to need. Pass plus.

Seyeong: You’ve pretty much turned into a ping-pong ball and it’s not fair. I wish you had resisted the guilt that Mrs. Kim and Minguk threw at you to live with them—or better still, had thought of a compromise. But how you’re doing good work at the station while all this is going on, that’s remarkable. Pass plus.

Donguk: You keep saying how much Gieum annoys you and telling her to leave you alone. Then why do you keep going back? Duh! Congrats on passing your GED. Now I have a different lesson for you. Smack.

Mrs. Kim/Yerin's mom/Seyeong's bio-mom: Badgering Seyeong to move in with you, how is this helping? You really couldn’t just ask her to come for dinner once a week, or stay a weekend a month? Look at all the pain and heartache you’re causing. Can’t you be a grown-up and compromise? And her name’s not Yeonju! Ugh. Quadruple smack.

Yerin: Old business: I suspended two smacks from last time...and then you took that call from the hospital and told nobody. Suspension lifted. New business: The way Seyeong is being forced more and more into your life, have to feel a little sorry for you. Look what all this has turned into: you’re outside in the middle of the night trying to set fire to Seyeong’s wallet. Ugh. Smack, but just the one new one because your whole situation has become pathetic. No wait, double smack—for not being nicer to your bio-mom.

Minguk, Yerin's brother: I understand, this is very intense for you, finding the sister you’ve always felt responsible for losing. But she’s a grown woman now and you have to respect that. Her name isn’t Yeonju! You’re acting like a little child about all this. Smack.

Yeonga, Yerin's sister-in-law: Have to say, that freakout of yours was a little tough on Yerin. Went a little too far. But most of it was understandable. And you shouldn’t have asked Seyeong to move in...but you’re looking out for your husband so I can understand the reason. Pass—but step back a little.

Porn-Star Bio-Mom: Here’s a surprise. You keep badgering Mrs. Kim—but lately I think it’s with good reason. She’s not thinking of Yerin like she should, so even though you’re being too rough, can't blame you for looking out for your daughter. You’re still scheming too much. But that monster slap you gave Yerin, that was a thing of beauty. If only for that...pass.

Jeonghyo: Not sure what to do with you. You told Jaeseong to man up, and it was great advice. But you also told Seyeong you knew everything, which was stupid. I guess you paid for that one on your own, though. And it was nice of you to go to Gangneung with Seyeong. Pass.

Jaeseong: How about kissing her like you mean it? That was embarrassing. And you’re not exactly finding ways to work this all out, are you. Have to be a little sympathetic here; I don’t know what the answers are, with all of your elders creating trouble. But your being so insecure about Jeonghyo, I don’t care if it’s the culture or not, that was really annoying. He's a stand-up guy and you should know better.  Smack.

Grandpa Sundial: More of the same from you. I just wish everybody around you wouldn’t enable you by putting you on that pedestal regardless of how you act. Triple smack.

Jaeseong's father: You ought to be helping your son find a way through all this instead of being afraid of your father. Smack.

Jaeseong's mother: Faking a foot injury to get out of work, shame on you. Must say, though, the observation about not wanting the sisters to fight over Jaeseong, very astute. Still, you dump work on other people, you must pay. Smack.

Seongsu (Jaeseong's uncle): This covers the whole fifteen episodes and for twelve of them you were the usual wussy-boy, so smack. But just one, because whatever happened to you in #73, I don’t know what caused it but hooray. Keep that up and next time you might get your first pass.

Gieun (Jaeseong's sister): Totally tired of your scheming and your changing your mind every episode. You do seem to want to get your life in order, and you’re trying—a little—so I’ll hold back a little. Double smack.

So that's 12 smacks out of 19.  (Actually thought it would end up even higher.)  And also a serious beating to the writing staff for letting this thing be taken over by the stupid Seyeong-living-with-bio-mom storyline.  And for having people repeatedly showing up to eavesdrop or just happen to be someplace where they see or hear something significant.  Overused to the point of being ridiculous.

[TheBo]

I can't tell you how much better this makes me feel, reading this today. I mean, there's some smacking to be parceled out in the real world, right? Yes, I'm coughing out "John Boehner" right now with great subtlety, I assure you. This is hilarious and I'll bet it's a nice way to let off steam at the annoyances in the show. Thanks, even though you didn't do it for me, I appreciate it.

[ajk]

How about we take up a collection to send you to Washington so you can deliver 535 smacks on Capitol Hill.

It sounds like a lot, but once you got going it would be an effortless labor of joy.

Just be non-partisan about it. I can't think of a single one of those boneheads who shouldn't get one.

[TheBo]

Maybe for other reasons, but not for THIS one. But I shouldn't have brought it up, you are right.

Oh, I can think of one person who deserves no smacks whatsoever. Elizabeth Warren. But maybe she's just not had enough time yet to deserve any smacks.

[ajk]

She's from Harvard. Smack.

[ajk]

It feels like the show is going to be changing gears. Some of the neglected characters and storylines may be coming back, and the Yerin-picking-on-Seyeong stuff may be running its course just because Yerin will start to have her own problems. So let's do this now and clear the slate.


grandmother: Still up to the selfish ways, are we. Trying to squeeze Misuk for marriage gifts and the kid isn't really even your grandson. Don't like it. But you did the right thing getting that money from Mrs. Kim to save the bakery. And giving up your bedroom for Donguk and Gieun, what a nice thing to do. So we'll say the good outweighs the bad. Pass.

baker dad: Jaeseong really did care for Seyeong, so I'm not sure how necessary that slap was for that reason...but just on general principles it was a thing of beauty. Well done. Have to grade you down a notch because you're being awfully stubborn about that great opportunity for your bakery. Pass plus.

Ilyeong, oldest daughter: Welcome back. Glad the writers remembered who you were. And you didn't back down from Yerin one bit. Nice going. Pass plus...but wait, you goofed up on the job and didn't check those drink ingredients. Down to pass.

Iyeong, middle daughter: Now if the writers would remember who YOU are...have to give you a pass, just for lack of reason to do anything else.

granddaughter: Ditto. Pass.

Seyeong: Doing a great job at work; deserve big-time credit for that. But geez, throwing that tape into the river was unbelievably stupid. And why can't you open your eyes about Monster Girl. Stop feeling sorry for her and start showing a little spine. Setting a lousy example. Smack.

Donguk: Falling for Gieun, well, the heart wants what it wants so I can't fault you for that, no matter how breathtakingly unwise that might have been. But having unprotected sex?  And then going along with her pregnancy lie? What got into you? You were supposed to be a responsible, diligent person who's turning his life around. Quadruple smack.

Mrs. Kim/Yerin's mom/Seyeong's bio-mom: Well you had to push too hard and bring Seyeong into your life too much, and look what happened. But you paid the price for that yourself, and you understood you had to pay the price. So there's no imbalance for me to correct. What's left is the nice thing you're trying to do for baker dad. For that, pass.

Yerin: Is any explanation even necessary? Serious beating.

Minguk, Yerin's brother: You were part of the reason things went bad, with all your whining about wanting everybody to know your sister was found. Never cared about the damage it could do, did you. The only reason you don't get a serious beating is that there's some legitimate childhood trauma wrapped into all this, and that has to be taken into consideration. Triple smack.

Yeonga, Yerin's sister-in-law: Haven't seen much of her, but she was right about Yerin's condition. Uncanny, as usual. Pass.

Porn-Star Bio-Mom: Good for you for finally giving Yerin the brush-off. Daughter or not, she treated you like garbage. Good for you. Pass plus.

Jeonghyo: You really think you're helping Yerin by covering up for her and feeling sorry for her? I don't know if you really would have shown Jaeseong that rehearsal footage...but the bottom line is you never got the chance so it's irrelevant.  You're always there to support Seyeong, which is great, but she wouldn't need the support if you'd just bust Yerin for once and for all. I like you and (for the second time) I hate to do it, but...smack.

Jaeseong: Ever hear of a rebound relationship? Ever occur to you that you're rushing into things with Yerin? Ever watch "Fatal Attraction"? Sheesh, what the heck happened to you. Triple smack.

Grandpa Sundial: Okay, here's the question I was dreading: is it okay to smack a dead guy? Boy that's a tough one. Is it too cruel; is there any point to it; so many things to consider. But you know what, right before the end, he wised up and realized that his stubbornness may have been causing people problems. And really, we saw so little of him recently that dying was the only significant thing he did. So since I'm trying to be a little nicer...pass. Rest in peace, old man.

Yongdeok, Jaeseong's father: Having fun dealing with your idiot kids? No need for me to add to that. Pass...but watch out for your business. This talk about "Hollywood money" coming in, well, Hollywood money finances staggering volumes of pure crap. So choose wisely.

Misuk, Jaeseong's mother: You're a hypocrite. You want Donguk and Gieun to live with you but you wouldn't hear of Ilyeong and Seongsu living with the Chois. And you were disgusted by grandma Choi trying to squeeze you for gifts, but you turned around and did the same to Mrs. Kim. Seriously? One for each.  Double smack.

Seongsu, Jaeseong's uncle: You suddenly get your act together and start acting like a grown-up, and you're promptly all-but-written out of the show! Lousy thing for the writers to do to you. Hope we see some more of you soon--especially if your attitude change shows up in your wardrobe too. Pass.

Gieun (Jaeseong's sister): The unprotected sex; the pregnancy lie; stealing test urine; whining about your boyfriend's finances; and now running away? Sorry, honey, but my sympathy for you is entirely gone. Serious beating.


That's only eight smacks out of nineteen this time. But it includes all six of the characters who have gotten all of the attention lately. So in terms of screen time it probably is the highest smack proportion so far. We can only hope they start showing a little more of the rest of them and get the series back to what made it interesting at the start.

[ajk]

I'll do one more update now, and then after the final twenty episodes have aired I'll obnoxiously and arrogantly pronounce FINAL JUDGMENT on everybody. And hand out the Mrs. Guk MVP Award.


grandma: You screwed up on that photograph-scam thing...but you came clean and were honest about it, so those cancel out. But why in the world are you trying to sell Sara Kim on your son? Don't you love your son? What are you thinking? Smack.

baker dad: I can't believe it's come to this. 100-plus episodes and you were a rock. An island of sanity in the middle of a vast sea of idiocy. But now you've gone lovesick over Sara Kim. Look, like I said, the heart wants what it wants--but why would you want a woman who looks down on you and disrespects you like she does? And treats everyone so badly? If that's the kind of woman you're attracted to then you need counseling to find some self-esteem. No one should be in that kind of a relationship. So for the first time in the entire series...smack.

Ilyeong, oldest daughter: Where did you go? Shame on the writers. The series isn't as good when you're a bit player. What a shame. Pass, for lack of anything of substance to consider.

Iyeong, middle daughter: And they've turned you into not much more than a prop. How sad that your storyline with Donguk got shoved aside by Gieun's. Pass.

granddaughter: Haven't seen much of you lately either. But I loved the way you gave Gieun the cold shoulder when she tried to bribe you. Well done. Just for that, pass plus.

Seyeong: When did your brain fall out of your head? I don't remember that scene. It must have been a real humdinger. Have lost a lot of respect for you, because you keep doing dumb things and because you just do not want to accept that Yerin can't be trusted. You're still nice and kind and decent, thank goodness, but you need to start wising up. Double smack.

Donguk: You got rid of Gieun, but now you're calling her and checking on her and trying to help her? Make up your mind already! Ironic that she burned you because she flip-flopped about what she wants, but now you're doing the same thing. Double smack.

Mrs. Kim/Yerin's mom/Seyeong's bio-mom: Another near-disappearance. Just as things were getting interesting with you and Baker Dad. An important character, and you've become a bit player. I don't get it. Pass.

Yerin: Serious beating. The first one didn't get it done, so let's try another one.

Minguk, Yerin's brother: Pass. Another near-disappearance.

Yeonga, Yerin's sister-in-law: Still another near-disappearance, and with you that's a tragedy. Plus you ditched the hair dye and look real nice now, and yet we've only seen you twice since then. Pass.
.
Porn-Star Bio-Mom: Haven't heard much from you either, but I sure do respect you for taking on odd jobs and doing what you need to do to have a dignified life for yourself. Pass.

Jeonghyo: Stop being a jerk to your dad. And for goodness sakes, take the in-house job. Health benefits are darned expensive these days. Good for you for manning up ad telling Seyeong you liked her...but I'm sorry, that whole shoe-shopping incident, you've set a terrible precedent for the male gender and I must punish you for that. Triple smack.

Jaeseong: Surprisingly, you've largely disappeared too. This one is tough to figure. Oh well...hope you're taking notes on what your future wife is doing. Staring into a mighty bleak future, pal. Pass.

Grandpa Sundial: Stay dead, old man. With the way the series is going lately, you're better off that way. Pass.

Yongdeok, Jaeseong's father: So you mismanaged the company into a takeover. Sure don't like seeing Sara Kim pushing you around, and I admire you for doing what it takes to put food on the table. But if you screwed up the company that badly, you have to face the consequences. Smack.

Misuk, Jaeseong's mother: Stop it with the attitude already. No, Mrs. Kim is not looking down on you. But the way you're putting Yerin in her place, that's been thoroughly enjoyable. Pass.

Seongsu, Jaeseong's uncle: You've just about disappeared too. Except for having to get Sara Kim her coffee. Would hate to be you right now. Pass. No, wait, you're dressing like a grown-up now and that's real progress worthy of a reward. Pass plus, and please tell me you've burned the clam-diggers.

Gieun (Jaeseong's sister): I don't know what to do with you any more. Your annoying-ness has reached dizzying new heights lately. But it seems like maybe you've finally wised up a little. And trying so hard to help your dad, that's wonderful. So we'll pass on the serious beating this time. Quadruple smack and let's resurrect that therapy idea and get you started.

Sara Kim / Donguk's mother: I'll give you credit for one thing so far: putting on the apron and cooking a meal to reach out to your son. But it's not enough. You're a horrible person and the way you treat other people is truly repulsive. Serious beating.

Jeonghyo's dad: I don't know what to do with you either. You have a great management style and are doing some good things at the network. But stringing Seyeong along about who you are, that was wrong. And giving Yerin that competition thing, dumb move.  But the good outweighs the bad...and how could I smack a jazz lover. Pass.


Nine smacks out of 21. So a fairly low proportion, but unfortunately a lot of characters have been ignored lately so some of those passes are more like incompletes. Certainly hope the series gets back to them before it ends, but time is growing short.

[ajk]

Let's do one last round. Instead of a final judgment, I'll keep it to the last twenty episodes to be consistent. But just for something extra, let's see if Santa has any Christmas presents for the characters....


grandma: Congratulations, Dr. Frankenstein, you successfully assembled the Baker Dad/Sara Kim monster and now it's terrorizing everyone. You got what you wanted--and still you whine and complain about it? Sheesh. You're lucky you don't have villages of viewers chasing you with pitchforks and burning torches. But that old rich guy taught you one heck of a lesson, didn't he. THAT was a thing of beauty. I don't see much hope for you, though. Double smack...and for Christmas, a pie in the face.

baker dad: It wasn't that long ago we all admired and respected you. Now you act like a horny teenager, and you run around like a low-ranking ape in your troop, thumping your chest because you knocked up your woman. What a huge disappointment. Triple smack...and for Christmas, a bunch of bananas.

Ilyeong, oldest daughter: Sure have missed you ever since they turned you into a rumor. But you're keeping a close eye on Sara Kim for getting her claws into your dad, which is what a good daughter should be doing. Pass...and for Christmas, the baby that the writers didn't give you.

Iyeong, middle daughter: Talk about getting turned into a rumor...by the final few weeks, that vibrating figure-8 thing that fell on CEOdad had a livelier role than you did. Did you piss off the writers or something? Pass...and for Christmas, a better gig in another drama.

granddaughter: Well we did see a bit of you near the end and you did a good job, kid. Sorry you were gone for so long. Pass plus...and for Christmas, divorce papers for your grandpa so you can get Sara Kim out of the house like you want.

Seyeong: I've never seen a main character in a series get a spine-ectomy in the middle of it and turn into a jellyfish. I know it wasn't your fault, not blaming you...and from the way you dove right into that pool to help Jeonghyo, clearly you'll adapt just fine. And the way you just would not bring yourself to see the truth about Yerin...well, I guess it makes sense now because jellyfish don't have eyes. Smack...and for Christmas, a year's supply of plankton. Yum, yum.

Donguk: What you're in for, I don't think I can punish you any worse than that. But you're a movie executive now so I have to add something, don't I. Double smack...and for Christmas, the key to Jinsandang Bakery and the attic room so when you run the film company into the ground you can have your old job back and do honest work again.

Mrs. Kim/Yerin's mom/Seyeong's bio-mom: You were sort of a snob about Jeonghyo, and shame on you for that...but a parent faced with her child's death, good heavens I don't know if there's anything sadder. Pass...and for Christmas, peace on your little chunk of Earth.

Yerin: Don't think I wouldn't smack a dead person, you neurotic fish-hiding pill-switcher. But how about this--you're an organ donor. Wherever in that wounded, dark heart of yours that came from...well done. Just for that, pass...and for Christmas, a working refrigerator!

Minguk, Yerin's brother: So your wife finally had a kid. Who's the daddy? I know, I know, Yeonga would never do that. But it had to be a sperm donor, didn't it...considering you act like a little kid instead of a man, and considering you and your wife couldn't get pregnant for the longest time. Smack...and for Christmas, a pair of working testicles.

Yeonga, Yerin's sister-in-law: Truly an undiscovered, unappreciated genius. Enjoy your daughter and the MVP award. Pass with honors...and for Christmas, anything you want. You name it.

Porn-Star Bio-Mom: And you, the writers didn't just diminish you, they sent you straight out of town. What a shame, because the last time we saw you you looked terrific--best you've looked all series--and it seemed like you were turning into a much better person, too. Geez, they didn't even bring you back for the final scene. Hope you at least made it to the funeral. Pass...and for Christmas, all the money Yerin made but never spent (and there must be a lot of it).

Jeonghyo: So look what happened to you. You married Seyeong, found a rich daddy, and got a lucrative, powerful job. I hate your guts! But wait, how can I hate anybody who busts Mister Executive. Still, you're an executive yourself now, so this is sort of mandatory: smack. And for Christmas, something you'll obviously get big jollies from: a pair of women's shoes you can wear at home when nobody's watching.

Jaeseong: Another vanishing act. But of all the people in this series who need therapy, by the time it ended you probably needed it more than anybody. You broke up with Yerin but couldn't find it in yourself to be honest about why, and then she died on you, and five years later you're still alone. A real shame because Yerin was starting to turn herself around. Pass...and for Christmas, a health insurance plan that includes unlimited mental health benefits. Not easy to find one of those!

Grandpa Sundial: Is Yerin sucking up to you in the afterlife now? Actually I always joked about how she acted like she wanted to be in charge of a head family so much, she should have married you, and now you're together...and now this is getting creepy. Pass, and for Christmas, a bottle of Ick Guard.

Yongdeok, Jaeseong's father: So now you have to teach Donguk? Yeah, good luck with that. And you acted like an idiot about your baby too. But you spoke words never before uttered in K-drama history, about not meddling in your kids' lives. The historical significance of that has to be rewarded. Pass plus...and for Christmas, a new pair of pajamas so you can get rid of that shiny pair and eliminate the risk of radiation poisoning.

Misuk, Jaeseong's mother: You had a baby? According to the introductory data for the series, you're 54 years old. Wow, you're actually a little scary! Not gonna tangle with you any more...so pass, and for Christmas, a hysterectomy. Seriously, you don't want another one when you're 65, do you?

Seongsu, Jaeseong's uncle: Yet another disappearance. But you got a little wiser and more mature toward the end, so what the heck, pass. And for Christmas, we'll produce your screenplay.

Gieun: At least you haven't had a kid yet; those contraceptives I gave you are working (and a grateful species breathes a sigh of relief). And you got down on your knees and begged Sara Kim to help your dad, which I respected a lot. Still, you're just so unbearably annoying. Smack, but just one this time...and for Christmas, same as your husband, a key to Jinsandang Bakery. For a while you were going to be a pastry chef, and actually that's a good idea.

Sara Kim: You sure have calmed down a whole lot lately, no denying that. Still, the way you spurned Gieun when she was begging for help, that was incredibly heartless. I don't believe you've changed, not yet. So if only as a warning, smack. And for Christmas, a year of weekly sessions with a wardrobe consultant. Talk about a no-brainer....

Jeonghyo's dad: Certainly understandable that you wouldn't want to face up to your health problem. Lots of people are like that. But not getting proper treatment, bad move. And going into that sauna, how dumb was that. And look, we all like Seyeong, but good grief STOP IT already! eeeewwwwww. Double smack. And for Christmas, harmonica lessons. So you can really play one instead of just faking.


And hey, writers, don't think I've forgotten you guys. After watching the entire series, here's my gift to you. I want you to gather up all of the scripts for the last 90 episodes or so. Got them all? Great, now see that "X" that I marked over there, in the middle of that desert? Take the scripts and put them over there. That's right. Now stand way back and put on these goggles. No, a lot farther back than that. More...more...a little more...perfect.